So I have been debating about whether or not to write the things I have been going through. I didn't know if I wanted to write it now or later after a few more things happen :)
However, here I am and here I am typing.
We, James and I, have both had the impression that we are to prepare for another child in our life. I am excited, James is nervous, scarred and feeling a bit overwhelmed. No matter the uncertainty, we have always listened to the promptings of the Lord and we have always been blessed.
After having two children within the first two years of our marriage we felt it was right for us to have some form of birth control. After discussion and prayer we decided on an IUD. So for are first step to follow our prompting from the Lord there was a need to have it removed.
Everything I read stated that removal was quick, simple and less painful then insertion. I went into my appointment prepared to come home with knowledge and satisfaction that we could start preparing for a child. However, I left the appointment, nervous, a bit upset, a referral to have an ultrasound, another appointment in two weeks, and as I knew string-less with a mirena iud still in me.
How wonderful it would have been to have just had the ultrasound in the next room over and not have need for the nervousness, referral, or other appointment, BUT insurance always seems to get in the way of something.
The ultrasound went quietly, since the tech is not aloud to give any information about what is seen. Which again was unnerving.
I can tell you that I was at home searching everything I could find about no string on iud, lost iud, doctor can't find iud what's next, and anything and everything between. I had no idea what was to happen.
The day of my appointment finally came and as I sat in the doctors waiting room I stayed calm, and I know that was because I had received a blessing the night before from my husband. 40 minutes after the scheduled time of my appointment I was finally taken to an exam room with a weird looking contraption that basically had binoculars with many lenses and a light and well, they need to find a less bulky less intimidating contraption. As I sat in the room for 10 minutes a nurse came in to inform me that they were waiting for the ultrasound techs, at the location I went to, to fax over the results. So I sat and I waited and I started to watch SVU on my phone, but then felt a little awkward watching that in a gyno's office with that huge contraption that I swear you would see on that show in the medical examiners office. As soon as I turned it off the midwife came in and sat down. She started off with informing me that everything looks great and healthy, but that there was no IUD in me.
WHAT!!!!!Where did it go? Are you serious? These were my thoughts and words that I used.
I was informed that sometimes the iud can come out. But wouldn't I notice that?!?! I mean hello! I sure noticed it going in and I am pretty sure I would notice it coming out. Apparently I didn't though. How long had it been out? Who knows!
I left the appointment grateful for the fact that I didn't have the contraption used on me, and that there was no pain of probing and prodding to try and get something out. I also left with the thought that God has a sense of humor and knows all things. The timing of us, James and I, praying and being conformed in our desire for another child and the timing of the IUD just being gone is not a coincidence to me.
Now with the IUD being gone and knowing it is gone it might explain some of my mood swings I have been experiencing for the last month or so. I have been looking again online for hormonal changes after a removal, but everything is so vague or the link I click on doesn't even talk about it, when it says it does. For a few weeks (the weeks before my suppose to be first appointment removal) I was feeling depressed, overwhelmed and just plain tired of everything. Then I went to waking up okay, to being irritated by everything, to say something to me and I'll snap your head off and eat it for dessert, to just leave me alone, to I don't want to do anything, to I want my husband. Hormones are so not the business when they are all out of control!!! Yesterday I finally started feeling normal and it lasted the whole day. I am hoping that it stays that way for awhile, but with us trying to get pregnant who knows how soon or fast that will happen and when those pregnancy hormones will start to kick in.
As of now we are not pregnant. Some may think that we should not be having another child in our circumstance, but to them I say "keep your thoughts to yourself! I was counseled and told that the decision to have children is a matter between Me, My Spouse, and the Lord. I have taken care of, nurtured, and provided for my family and their needs. If you think you can receive revelation, guidance, or know what is best for me and my family you are mistaken."