Also!!! I gave the fifth Sunday lesson. It was the first time that we were in Young Womens after being set apart. The lesson was holding to the standards. I did a great object lesson with string representing a flaxen cord and each sin was one more time around the wrist and some one else holding on to the scriptures and trying to get the same size loop onto their hand. Anyways latter on in the lesson we talked about repentance so that we can grab hold of the standards again. First acknowledging and being sorrowful. I cut the string from the spool to represent acknowledge and giving Satan no more power. Next is repentance. I asked who do we repent and ask for forgiveness from? I got the answers Jesus, the Lord. I also asked who else if it is a serious sin? someone said your parents? I said well you can if you want, but its not needed, but who is the father of this ward? they answered the bishop. I then continued to state some of the things that we need help with and what things we should talk to the bishop about, Drugs, Smoking, Alcohol, Sex, Oral Sex, Touching other people where there clothes are or them touching you, and Touching ourselves to please us. I then continued to cut the string from the wrist. It was still hanging there and so I asked what do we need to do since they are still sitting there. They responded to apologize. I thought the lesson was great! I taught by the spirit I had prayed for guidance and I felt I had gotten it. A few days later at a meeting that was held I was approached and asked not to use words like that. There were a few parents who called and said that there daughters weren't even thinking about that or boys and that I didn't need to say those things. I was also counseled to watch what I say since the young women all meet together and not in individual classes so some are to young to hear those things.
I came home frustrated and hurt. Frustrated because 1. we live in Vegas and if your child is in public school you can not tell me that your child does not hear certain things 2. there are 11 year old girls that are getting pregnant, so to say it is not relevant to your daughter you are naive 3. if you have a naive daughter that doesn't know these things she WILL be taken advantage of 4. if you only use words like staying chaste and morally clean they will use the excuse I never knew that was bad I only thought sex was. I was hurt though because if that is all that the girls remember from my lesson than I must have not done as good of a job as I had thought.
Because of this lesson I know have a few parents that will not even look at me. One use to say hi and ask how my Dad was doing and how we were doing and she will not even glance in my direction.
I went and discussed with the bishop the day after I had been counseled not to say certain things and I was reassured that I had not said anything inappropriate or out of line. I think I will go back to the Bishop (who is no longer my father so everyone knows) and ask him to hold a meeting of sorts or to hold a counsel with these parents or all the parents so that they may come to terms that I am not a bad person and that I don't just talk about sex.
It saddens me that so many people are afraid or embarrassed to discuss these things with their children. Yes there is a time a place for all things. But if I was getting puberty classes in 4th and 5th grade and being shown a picture of a penis than I think that a 12 yr old girl should also be talked to about sex and things that are accompanied with it. I am not saying be blunt and tell them everything, but be open to discuss it because if they are in public school chances are they have already heard things and who better to know the sacredness of these things than a parent.
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8 comments:
I agree with you. I know that no one really talks about whats wrong when you are a teenager. You are stuck trying to figure it out on your own where the lines to be crossed are. If they are in middle school they know whats going on in the world. Especially living in Vegas. It's everywhere.
Im sorry that some parents are acting out towards you and were offended but you didnt do anything wrong and I am sure it was a great lesson! :)
I love that you said those things!!! SO many teenages think oral sex is okay because it is NOT sex. Oh, those people are old and are back in that time when they didn't say such things. HELLO!!! Do they realize that their children may in fact know more about sex than they do?! For crying out loud women! That makes me mad that they would even think to tell you not to use words like that. I agree with what was said that some teens just don't know where the bounderies are.
Good for you for stating it loud and clear. It's so sad when who you think would support you doesn't. I'm sorry Cindy. To those women, I say, "VAGINA!" )they probably refer to it as pipi. =)
Once when I was MiaMaid Advisor I gave a lesson on Temple Marriage. I tried really hard to discuss it in a manner that was appropriate, but true. One of the girls had a low self image(or so I thought). I tried to get all the girls excited about the idea of being married in the temple. One of the girls said she didn't want to get married. We discussed how you can't make it to the highest degree of the celestial kingdom if you haven't gotten married. She ran out of the room crying! Later my president came to my house to discuss the lesson and said not to worry about it. I'd spoken truth. The next week I met with her mother and her and we had a long talk. It was a learning experience. We just try our best. I hope your bishop does meet with those parents and explain the importance of talking to their children about sexual sin. Good luck with all this! Been there!!
I am going to play the devil's advocate for a few minutes here. ;) I do agree with you that these things need to be talked about!! But I think it's always important to look at the perspective of the other people involved. I don't think I WOULD want that being discussed in such great detail with my 12 year old, but definitely my 17 year old. If I was the one that wanted to have that discussion, then that would be different, but I think that I would have a hard time if those blunt words were being used in my 12 yr olds' sunday meetings. The scriptures even teach us that we shouldn't have to have EVERYTHING spelled out for us word for word. A girl knows it's wrong for her to have oral sex. She was given the light of Christ. She WILL start to feel guilty when she is about to do something like that, but she will either listen to that bad feeling, or choose to justify herself and her sexual desires....but she KNOWS. I think what we need to focus on are the principles and not have to spell out every single thing. Among other things, the For the Strength of Youth Pamphlet says, "...Before marriage, do not do anything to arouse the powerful emotions that must be expressed only in marriage. Do not participate in passionate kissing, lie on top of another person, or touch the private, sacred parts of another person’s body, with or without clothing. Do not allow anyone to do that with you. Do not arouse those emotions in your own body..." This is pretty much exactly what you said, so that is awesome!! That is exactly what you SHOULD teach, right out of church material!! I just think some people, including myself (unless I'm the one that feels impressed to discuss it with my child), feel that the very specific and discriptive terms don't need to be used. The pamphlet and the principle being taught state that you shouldn't do ANYTHING that arouses those desires before marriage. They KNOW that oral sex arouses that! They KNOW that "making out" arouses that!! They aren't stupid, but they'll use excuses when they choose to be deceived by Satan. And I don't think that it is uncomfortable to talk about because people are old and used to when the world was not so openly corrupt. I think that's exactly the point.
We SHOULD feel uncomfortable with worldly terms that are thrown around like common conversation when in reality, it is a sacred, special thing, just like you said. You also said there is a time and a place for it and you are exactly right again. A young women lesson is EXACTLY where they should be taught that they shouldn't do things that arouse sexual desire, but maybe not where 12 year olds should hear terms that are very specific. All they need to know is that doing sexual things before marriage is wrong (and all the stuff described in the pamphlet). That means that oral sex and masturbation is wrong without even saying those words. They need to use their brains that God gave them too (the girls). I love you and your bluntness! I hope you don't feel offended by my remarks. I just know how it is to feel like everyone is against you and judging you (I'm there right now!) but I know that feeling justified in my cause doesn't help anything. Trying to be understanding of others' feelings and opinions is the only thing we can do when people get offended or choose to judge us. I think the best idea would be to have that meeting with the bishop and perhaps the parents like you were thinking, but to make sure you let them know that you are sorry if you overstepped your boundaries and disrespected their feelings as parents. They have the rights and responsibility to their children to teach and protect them how THEY see fit. I would acknowledge that to them and then try to explain what your purpose in using those terms was, and that you had no mal intent. Then I would explain that it's important for them to know how serious those sins are, but that you'll try to be more considerate of the detail you go into or terms you use in the future. Anyway, I think you are awesome, and again, I hope you know I love you and I'm not trying to side with "them". :) I just think it's important for all of us sometimes to step back from ourselves and try to understand where the other people are coming from and respect their feelings as well, no matter how justified we feel. I bet you are an AWESOME YW leader and that the girls are REALLY going to grow to love and appreciate you!
I love you too Steph! I am not offended by what you said. And I chose not to use the word masturbation for a reason, because it is an ugly, vulgar word. I however did chose to use the word sex, because many prophets before have used that word and I used the words oral sex because yes, even though the girls are born with the light of Christ, Satan is very strong (as we both know) and he has made many believe that oral sex is not sex. I understand that some parents may not have talked about these things with their girls, but all of my girls are in Public School in Las Vegas and I know they are hearing more vulgar words and terms then what I used as well as details to what these things are. Wether or not these girls are included in these conversations I can't say I know, but they are still hearing them in the halls. They know of people doing these things, they know of people that are pregnant, and some may know that they are not suppose to do these things, but as you said many will make excuses. I wanted to make sure that no excuses were going to be used such as "I was never told oral sex was bad, I was only told to be chaste and procreation was for marriage."
I feel comforted from hearing from the now bishop and previous bishop that the words I used were okay and that I was not wrong for using those words.
If my child came home and told me that she heard these words at church I would ask if she knew what they meant and use it to help talk about those things. If my child heard about these things at school I would be more concerned about how corrupt and how much disrespect would have been given to it. Either way I would use both as an opportunity to talk to my child.
There will be many things that my children will hear that I will not agree with, or be able to discuss with them first and there will be words that are used that they will not know what the meaning is. All I know is that I had prayed for guidance before I studied, during my preparation and before my lesson. I know that I spoke with the utmost respect for these things and did not go into any detail what so ever and that I followed the spirit that was given to me. If I offended one or two but saved one girl then I will be happy.
well put, Cindy! :) I think it's just 'cause the parents weren't there that they didn't feel the spirit of it, ya know? But obviously you did a great job! I would love to have you be a leader for my daughter! :)
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